deniz'i özlemek

which way?!

Personally speaking, the thing that bugs me most about growing up is the “growing apart” part. The change in time and place, I handle just fine – thank you very much. But the drastic changes that everyone around me seems to be going through nowadays, more importantly the way they project it on to me, is just a bit too much to handle. I won’t reveal the dirty laundry here – or what and how they project…but there is two milestone developments that hit home too close:

Dicle, my class and fate mate, is getting married today…MARRIED!!! Which is good, because they really do seem to be right for each other – it’s always great when you see two good people happy. But also very bad, because she had plans, we had plans damn it! She was going to be so much more than “a wife”…there was so much we were going to accomplish academically and professionally – now I’m not even sure if she’ll finish her PhD.  

Derya, who I’ve been glued to since forever (since 1992 to be specific), graduated just two days ago from her second university and yesterday got herself a job (by accident I might add), which again is great news. The bummer is that the said job is in Istanbul…which is so not Ankara. We’ve never been apart for more than a month (and that was only for vacations and stuff) since the first gulf war!!! No matter how mad I get at her (I’m not even getting into the whole “my two best friends started dating!!!” thing – still have trouble adjusting to it sometimes.), the truth is I do love her…dearly. Plus I’m not sure if I function properly without her…

I know it’s selfish to think about stuff like this as if they’ve got anything to do with me, it’s their lives after all…but that’s just me – selFISH!

^_~

"neydim değil, ne olacağım" demeli insan

bir zamanlar çok cesurdu mavi kız. yersizce, aptalca cesurdu hem de. cehaletin verdiği cesareti ile hem boyundan, hem yaşından büyük işlere gözleri açık balıklama atlardı...biraz morardığı da olurdu, zaman zaman yara bere aldığı da - ama önemsiz küçük sıyrıklar, çok da derin olmayan kesikler, sadece bastırınca acıyan çürüklerdi bunlar hep. 

sonra birşey oldu.

noldu?!

hafif gümüş simli, lilalı - sarılı bir sis perdesi var hikayenin tam da bu noktasına oturmuş...sesler var, alaylı bir havada, uzak ve boğuk kelimeler var, anlamsızca uçuşan. hızla hareket eden, sert ve kaba bedenlerin silüetleri var, kim olduklarını çıkarmak mümkün olmayan. 

birşey oldu ama, noldu bir türlü hatırlayamıyordu mavi kız. "bir noktada cehaletin sona erdi..." diyordu içindeki bir ses. cehaleti ile birlikte cesaretini de kaybetmişti anlaşılan. o artık korkuyordu - çok korkuyordu.  

heppi b-day my variegated breeze!

I am so very very lucky to have you in my life 

to be able to call you my friend 

- I call you much more than that actually -

iyiki doğdun ebruşkam!